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Mother comes back one evening and she starts up at supper about feng shui, how our house isn’t organized for a happy life, how the front door should never line up with the back door like ours does – never. One of her colleagues in Parks and Recreation told her that.

They’re all dipshits down there, I said.

And the boy said, talking with his mouth full like he always does, That’s why you’re not supposed to have a crucifix in the bedroom. Is a cross the same as a crucifix? he says.

I could see the meat with the ketchup on it in his mouth. No, I said. A crucifix is a cross with the body on it.

A cross is OK then, he said. And a crucifix is OK as long as the eyes aren’t open. You don’t want that in the bedroom.

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