amybebeme

John Donne wrote about a heavenly library where all books open into and shine through one other. I hope/believe it will be that way with people too. All would be known and shown if time were but gone.

Of course, cats and dogs are people too, their stars often among the brightest.

All these connections of love we have with people are like the knots in a transparent tear-drenched net (of fishing line) strung through the transparent shade of the night within and without. We become aware of it when we run into it, but only in pieces. Reading this piece was like shining bright light on that net, so all all those connections burn like stars with our tears. It revives us to these people we love, and how we and they endure. Thank you to Ms. Gaitskill and to Grant for its wise publication of this extraordinary piece.

So filled with gratitude to Ms. Gaitskill for writing this beautiful, brave and nourishing piece. As is always the case with Ms. Gaitskill, the writing is redemptively and gorgeously transformative while at the same time mercifully clear and true.

Also, so filled with sad empathy for the pain and loss for so many.

I thank Ms. Gaitskill for helping me remember that I believe the connections between us are what endures, that moments like this are what we are made of:

I remember one panic-stricken moment at an airport, when my own mind became too much for me to bear; the only way for me to calm myself was to remember Natalia riding a horse, sitting up straight in the saddle and smiling.

I believe there's felt reciprocation in these moments - the violence and brutality of life will do everything to make us think otherwise, but that - not the connection -- is the illusion.

This essay really helped me. We are still grieving the collapse of what we hoped would be a new life for our Siberian niece here in the USA. The mother situation with her was in many ways analogous to that of Natalia - she'd been sent to us because there was 'no room' for her in the small studio apartment she shared with her sister, mother and father. She arrived here so torn apart by that 'thrown out' grief that she and her family worked together through heat phone calls to make it pull her back. Prior to her arrival in the US, her mother had been trying to set her up
with 'boyfriends' she met on websites that my husband and I believe were little more than trafficking portals. Her parents knew she needed glasses, she was legally blind without them, but they never used the money we sent to buy her a pair - and so at fifteen she'd never been able to see the board in school. I am so sorry for the situation Caesar and Natalia live in, and also for Ms. Gaitskill's grief. Reading this piece helped me with my grief, and made me stronger somehow (I hope in a way that helps me be there for those I love more fiercly). Thank you.